Another hopeless sectional...our carpool has parts of two
teams that got obliterated. Well...it only felt
as if we were obliterated; we played 7 flight B and C
teams and ended up 5th overall. The conversation on
the ride home made the day worthwhile.
"So now you're a member of the preempt and bid again
club, huh?" "Win 3. At least I didn't solo us to a
grand that went down." "I can't believe it." "Huh?"
"Yeah. You'd figure that with 15 zillion masterpoints,
he'd know all auctions." "OK, I'll bite, what are you
talking about?" "My partner has been playing forever
and has a gazillion masterpoints. You'd figure he knows
what every auction means." "There are 2 gazillion auctions.
That's more auctions than points." "Well, he should have
known what this meant." "Yeah, right. What auction did
"Partner opens a notrump..." "Strong?" "Yeah, and you
transfer to hearts, so he bids 2. You bid 2NT,
invitational..." "Of course it's invitational." "...Now
he bids 3. What's that mean?" "I know. It shows
values there, is forcing, and doesn't know what game to
play." "I think it depends. Is he a groper or a
pervert?" "Huh?" "Yeah. A groper, like her, wants
to decide between 3NT and 4. A pervert...I bet
you are a pervert...wants to play 3, because he
opened on a skewed hand with six clubs and fourteen points."
"Well, I didn't have that, but I wanted to play 3."
"With 15 points and six clubs, you'd've bid 3NT, so you
must've had 14." "I only had five clubs and 15 points."
"See, I told you you were a pervert!" "Why? What kind
of stupid system would make 3 forcing? What if you
wanted to play 3?" "It really depends on your personality.
If you open a lot of offshape strong notrumps, you'll want to
play 3 a lot. If you open those hands 1, it's
more valuable to use the new suit as a grope to choose the
right game. By the way, I'm a groper. I once won a match
because I perpetrated a very similar auction, trying to decide between
3NT and 4. Partner thought I was a pervert and passed.
3, on the 4-3, was the last making contract."
"If I wanted to bid game, I'd just bid game.
If I wanted to play 3 and 3 was forcing, I
can't play 3. It doesn't make any sense to construct
a system whereby you can't play the contract you want." "OK,
in your system you have the hand you want and you get to
win 4...were you vulnerable?" "Of course." "In that case,
win 5. I'll live with my push in 2NT. On the other hand,
if I get to play 3 as a grope, when I'm right, I'll
win 13. Seems right to set one's sights at the higher target,
trying to find the right game instead of the right partscore."
"If I want to bid game, I'll just bid it...." "Never mind; how
do you play this double..."
Feb. 15, 1997